Make separation short

OK, I’m not advocating divorce… but…

..you need to seriously think about how long you want to separate. There is no such thing as legal separation in Florida; you’re either married or you’re divorced. And there’s no definition of separated; for some it’s moving to different states, for others, different bedrooms, for others, it means one of you has posted a profile on Match.com.

Many choose to stay separated for extended periods of time. This can lead to difficulties later. Here’s why:

1. If you have kids, whatever schedule or custody has been informally established by you could be persuasive later. So if the kids have lived with dad for the last year, and then you decide to get divorced, you may have a more difficult time getting custody of them.

2. Your property will have to be valued, but now you’ve got an issue as to whether to value them at the time of separation, or the time of the filing of your divorce. If Wifey moves out and you’re paying the mortgage for a year, and the house skyrockets in value, she could be entitled to half of the current value of the house, even though she had nothing to do with it in the past year. Likewise, even if she were paying, you could owe her “rent” for living there, or owe her half of whatever moneys she paid on the home.

3. It gives him time to get into your mail, your email, and to talk with his friends, etc.

4. If he’s living in the home with your stuff, he can pull a truck up, get rid of all your stuff, and change the locks. This isn’t legal, mind you, but the cops won’t stop it and won’t help you because they’ll say it’s a civil or domestic matter. And it will cost you loads in attorneys fees to locate, and recover, your personal goods, or get compensated for them.

5. Your debts may still be marital. Meaning, those debts he’s charging on your joint card for the past year could still be considered both of yours.

6. If you win the lottery (could happen), or get promoted, or come into a financial windfall while you’re seperated, you could owe him half of it.

7. Memories fade–yours, and your witnesses. So if you need someone’s testimony, the accuracy of what they have to say may be affected.

8. A large component of alimony is the length of marriage. So the longer the marriage, the higher the chance of paying alimony–of course, if you’re a potential recipient, it may be better to to wait….

9. Your kids. I know we think divorce is bad for kids. But separation may be worse. Kids need patterns, definitiveness, and certainty. You want to plan their next school, what sports they will play, college planning, etc. That’s hard to do never knowing for certain what your final divorce decree will say. You also don’t have a solid schedule, meaning that if he “flakes out” and disappears with the kids, you will have a difficult time getting the cops to help you retrieve them, since you are still, technically, husband and wife.

10. Other areas-If you die, he’s your legal spouse and inherits a significant amount, much of which even your will cannot exclude him from. If you are catastrophically injured, he may be the one with the right to make life or death decisions.

OK, I don’t want to tell you to just get divorced and do it now. Oftentimes, separation can lead to couples getting back together. And oftentimes it is a needed buffer for the emotional trauma of divorce. But if you are one of those who are just seperated because you haven’t gotten around to divorcing yet…it’s time to get moving…